Fragments of Remorse

FRAGMENTS OF REMORSE

- Do you regret anything?

The question hung between them like the stale smoke of the cigarette he had finished ten minutes ago. Christophe instantly regretted ever asking it, but once it was out in the open there was no way of taking it back. Feeling his partner's glance, he nervously shifted from one leg to the other.
When Fox replied, it was a lie.

- No.

He hesitated, then added slowly:

- There was one case. The agent's name was …

Christophe could see his eyes flicker as though leafing through a book only he could read. Finally he seemed to access the memory.

- Faith Chermaine.

Another lie, but Christophe did not comment. He was here to observe and report back whatever he had seen or heard. That was why he had been assigned to this partner. He wondered whether one could call the wary cautiousness in which they approached each other a partnership at all. Were he in Fox' place, he would have refused the obvious monitoring. Their mission was a standard task any one of them could have easily accomplished on his own.
Fox continued:

- She wanted to leave the service, but didn't turn to us for help. She just quit and we couldn't allow that. So I tracked her down and tried to talk some sense into her. She wouldn't listen.

Fox sighed.

- I had no other option but to shoot her.

As he remembered the past, Fox' eyes kept staring into an uncertain distance. He focused when Christophe finally asked:

- Why did she refuse to come back?

In his experience that would have been the only other option, just as it had been for Fox who had been re-established only recently.

- Because she feared for her life.

Puzzled, Christophe looked at him, and his partner explained:

- She had a rare genetic modification that was state of the art back then. We couldn't allow her to quit without having it removed, but the medical risks were high.

Thinking about it, Fox shook his head.

- Can't say I was sorry then. The regrets came much later when we realised that we were understaffed and couldn't replace her.

Christophe felt his mouth run dry. Except for the unfortunate agent's name, Fox had told nothing but the truth. Still, he did not know what to make of this man. A man he had been warned about: In a position where the State told him only to kill in its name, Fox had murdered fellow agents for his believes. And yet, here he was, regretting an execution merely because it had turned out to be a bad management decision.
Christophe bit his tongue before he could pose yet another awkward question. Relieved he noticed that their time for idle conversation was up anyway. Across the street, people started to pour out of the cinema.